Wife Lissa, who is something of a goofball, installed a large post in the front yard - a 4x4 set in concrete - with a bowling ball as a finial. It is both amusingly decorative as well as functional: when she's thinning cactus or iris, the post serves to display her "Free Iris" or "Free Cactus" sign. (You can see it in the background in this June 2003 photo. Mark this Exhibit A.)

About a month ago, someone stole the bowling ball. She quickly replaced it. (Any thrift store worth the name has a big box of bowling balls for cheap.) This week, we were again bowling ballglarized.

It's a bit of a dilemma. One hates to give in to the forces of darkness, but how many times will she need to replace it? Are the thieves hoping to collect enough balls to start their own alley? If so, where will they get the shoes?

Nora suggested coating the next ball with itching powder. I suggested one of those bank robbery exploding dye packs, though the engineering details are a bit murky in my own mind, so perhaps that's not practical.

Suggestions are welcome.