This is apparently not Bart Simpson’s web site:

Just as a print of your fingerprints, palms, soles, and ears tell a story, so does your rump. The lines, crevices, and folds of your fanny…. can, to the trained eye, reveal your personality, fate, and future in luck and love.

Apparently all you need to do is send a close-up picture of your ass, along with a not insubstantial sum of money for a personal reading.

In its richest manifestations, real life is truly funnier than The Onion.